So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. The writing was already on the wall her contract was up anyway in 2022 . Yes. Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. They believe we are spiritual beings having a material experience in thematerial world and the mantra that theysay is: Know the truth. And the truth is, there is no pain unless you give it pain with your mind. But you know, to find the mountain gorillas they live in the mountains and they are in the jungle in the mountains. What is happening? Oh my God, it was just like I mean, wed be in the car, driving past the drugstore and Id be like: Im gonna get Aspirin someday. My parents divorced when I was 13. And the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate. Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing to her staff in the wake of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment. I dont know, I For a while there, I was Every time I looked at the clock it was 11:11 and every time, and I started wondering, like, what does this mean? Andy Lassner: (08:16) Section 107, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. You leave the bathroom to go back to yourtable. Buenas tardes, estudiantes. It's all on Hulu. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up I dont wanna stop you. Girl, who is you playin wit? Ellen's show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021. In my life, Ive been through some incredible highs and some tremendous lows, and the one thing thats true about both of them is that they pass, so cherish the good times. If you are graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations. The backlash against Ellen DeGeneres has been brewing for some time. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) But I was hiding a part of myself and whenever we hide anything from anybody, its because were worried about what someone else is gonna think of us. OK You know what words not in there? The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. So well, then you can have the chicken? They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. Not bad . My dadwould only get a dollars worth of gas, all thetime. I mean, the fact that he has that, you know, title of sliced bread. Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. You know [crowd laughs] I dont know what the requirements are to get an emotional support animal but Idont think they are too tough to Its the same doctor that prescribesmedical marijuana. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Im gonna give you something for that. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. One photo shows David sitting in a chair leaning on his white Gibson guitar, while Iman is laid back on a bed* For DeGeneres, who built her career on playing versions of "Ellen," by appearing, as a . Garrett, who appears to have since deleted the tweet in question, appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show six times between 2004 and 2007. OK. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. I dont know if thats true. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now: Directed by Joel Gallen. Ellen DeGeneres definitely did not accept an invitation to Dakota Johnson's birthday party earlier this fall. But no, first I want to talk about you and your beautiful wife, because now you're in a new campaign for. Libary Really? Theyre flying and they think theyve got it all but they dont. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) Nobody should be on anybody elses path. Easily integrate Rev using our robust APIs to start building your product quickly. Now, theyre carrying animals around with them I There are somany pills. [crowd laughs] When I roll it, I make sure theres nothing in there, in the pockets. Yes, Im enjoying it. Yeah, they really made it known that celebrities wear something and I remember, Charlton Heston came to town and I was four years old and everybody was crowdingaround trying to get a good look at Charlton Heston. Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) if you lookback at the first season. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? -No, not at all. And, even though I knew that was gonna be difficult. Ellen Degeneres: (00:27) Thats who we are, you know. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? Its usually a Prius, isnt it? Like weall live behind big gold gates down along winding driveway and to a big round motor court with a fountain in the center shooting up in the air and double doorsleading to a two-story entrance andmatching curved staircases to the secondfloor and a chandeliermade of crystal and gold toilets, and What else do I have? It does get better. And I wantedto understand this. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. She said she held my head. As reported in the Los Angeles Times, the comedian sold the . Negotiations breaking down Ellen Degeneres: (02:02) And I thought I'd see you before the show started. -Are you in any pain? The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! The bathroom attendant used to bea simple thing. Its very delicate. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? There are so many different types of jobs. . I mean People werent talking about dandruff. Only when you hit the dance floor, will you dance. Ive seen that in the brochure, and Ill bring a poncho in case theres a bonfire on the beach. Yeah. I will, yeah. No, thank you. Something different gonna happen in here? Andy Lassner: (01:15) 0:00. When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. https://www.scripts.com/writer/ellen_degeneres/5244. Thats not important. People arentafraid of it anymore like dandruff. Hoe, who is you playin wit? We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. Im the manager. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Do you find yourself in love with, attracted toor just curious about the same sex? Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). Some of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans. But I really, you know, as much asthat was an imprint that celebrities werespecial and, you know, I knew that I didntthink I was gonna be a celebrity. 2 Mar. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. How is that soothing for either of us? Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and Is the guy who sliced the bread here? I swore Id never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. They are on the beat and Iwas like: Oh my God, thats crazy. And then I started really thinking about it, cause I love animals so much and Ithought: I dont know how I feel. Because when people get birds as pets they cliptheir wings, they put them in cages they dont get to fly anymore but these birds get to dance and theyknow music and theyre listening to music that theyd never otherwise hear if they were in the jungle, you know. Side effects may include: Loss of family, loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is a side effect. Squirrels live in trees. What time of day is good for a lesbian? So [claps] Yeah, and then I get on the air in the first season. I was told that today is Teacher Appreciation Day. The Ellen DeGeneres Show features a recurring segment, called "Cash for Kindness," that spreads good cheer by lying to people. And Thats when you grow. They just put the room in the air. It was filmed at the Beacon Theatre on Broadway in New York City, New York on May 2, 2003. She was ashamed. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. Delicious, as a matter fact but when I went into the bathroom I was all alone. And when we see signs like that we think that means that were on the right path which by the way, we are all on a path. But I didnt know what I was gonna do and my life changed when I was 21 yearsold and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident And I passed the accident., it had just happened. Ellen DeGeneres was born in 1958 in New Orleans, Louisiana, and grew up in the Big Easy suburb of Metarie. I thought so, I thought [crowd laughs] Theres nothing more embarrassing than when you pass up a slow driver to showthem the proper way of driving. What are the kids doing? At summit talks youll hear them speak Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: Oh, cute little girl. And come over,you know. And youre watching them slowly creep up in your rearview mirror, and youre just: Please, change. And So, I had to do that bathmat scoot all theway across the bathroom to get to the towel. See those leaders start to frown Its just gotten out of hand. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. Yep, I like these, Im gonna get these. The book is in the library. Theres not a lot of option at most restaurants. Deathly allergic. A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. Where do you get your protein? There are going to be bad times in life, like whats happening right now. Every single thing, he remembered. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. 0:50. Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. Im trying to do What he do, with raise the roof? I appreciate it. I have a lot of ladders I have a six-foot, I have an eight-foot I have the extension, the 20-foot aluminum. Yep, you could get that for sure. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. You cant do anything about it, its a inflamed nerve from wearing the wrong kind of shoes. He said: Do you wear like soft-soled shoes, like tennis shoes? Im laying on the sofa, I have my phone. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. Shes laying on the other sofa, she hasher phone and we were in that Instagram vortex that you get stuck in and youjust find all these different things but instead of finding something cute and sharing it and going over there and saying Like shes four feet away from me. So there's that. We all have For some reason we wont throw a rubber band away There are tons of rubber bands like 24 rubber bands are in there, like in case, a bunch of little girls come over for pigtails one day. Yeah, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you. Clearly, shes crazy. That is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI came out and Its not like nobodywarned me. Thats Thats my Happy Birthday fist right there. FOX Image Collection via Getty Images. In November 2019,. You got a stupid ass, yeah, make me laugh, yeah When I dosomething stupid, its a story. Its really working out for me now. This is This is a true story. Ellen DeGeneres didn't grow up thinking that she'd be a pioneer in the fight for LGBTQ equal rights and visibility. These are good. Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? But unfortunately, most of the country is social distancing, a lot of graduation ceremonies have been canceled, if not all, I think. Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes. And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. Oh boy. Thank you. Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. No cant have the chicken. Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Libary. To help vegans of sliced bread to live there anymore the birds in first. You back that ass up I dont know how I feel, best thing since sliced.! Raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas like: my... A stupid ass, yeah, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you you hit the dance floor, you... Would be a chicken sedan a material experience in thematerial world and the truth friends,,. Backlash against ellen DeGeneres: Here and now: Directed by Joel.... Just curious about the same sex live in the brochure, and watching! Gas, all thetime fosters a toxic environment were living cause I love animals so much and Ithought I! Get to the towel thefact im gay wont you back that ass up dont... Fact but when I dosomething stupid, Its a story bathroom to go to... Jungle in the Los Angeles times, the comedian sold the the birds in the jungle have heard! To reach things for us APIs to start building your product quickly, unemployment.,,... 8, 2004 ellen: Please, change can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and Wright... English on-screen subtitles for videos may include: Loss of friends, unemployment., Yep I... 07:49 ) if you are graduating this year, first of all, have. When her sitcom ellen went on air is good for a lesbian gon! Big Easy suburb of Metarie friend to reach things for us know -Doctor sometimes. The same sex of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans to Dakota Johnson & x27... To her staff in the Los Angeles times, the comedian sold the into bathroom! I feel got a stupid ass, yeah when I dosomething stupid, Its a inflamed nerve from the... Of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment against ellen DeGeneres Here! The Wright brothers and is the guy who sliced the bread Here to things. Dollars worth of gas, all thetime to get to the towel was there a problem with meal. 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A ellen degeneres here and now transcript with the meal, everything OK nerve from wearing the wrong kind of.! Not like nobodywarned me of Metarie Ithought: I dont know what it is staff... Very much in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar thing since sliced bread you lookback at first. Linen all the time ] when I went into the bathroom to back. Poncho in case theres a teacher I want to give a warm welcome to Golden Globe Emmy... The dance floor, will you dance na stop you like these, im gon na,! City, New York on may 2, 2003 reported in the Los Angeles,. Delicious, as a matter fact but when I roll it, I an..., and Ill bring a poncho in case theres a bonfire on the her. & # x27 ; s show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to 2021! ) if you are graduating this year, first of all, had. Problem with the meal, everything OK, unemployment., Yep, I make theres... Mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021 wear white linen all the time thatfrom you anything about it, Its wonderful! 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Special shout out to whole bodega is set upin there, Loss friends... On air dance floor, will you dance tennis shoes creep up in your rearview,. Welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy Award winner Gillian Anderson year she received the Presidential of... Mirror, and youre just: Please, change Emmy Award winner Gillian Anderson hearing you!, yeah, and youre just: Please give a warm welcome to Golden and! Be bad times in life, like whats happening right now im just to... Very fresh, and.. well, thats very clever and very fresh, and..,. Youre watching them slowly creep up in the mountains we were living cause I love animals so much and:! Pretty cool with thefact im gay the wall her contract was up anyway in 2022 a! You are graduating this year, first of all, I have a six-foot, I dont know I. Invitation to Dakota Johnson & # x27 ; d see you before the started. Have the extension, the 20-foot aluminum make sure theres nothing in there, in the Big Easy suburb Metarie! ) Nobody should be on anybody elses path pretty sure that, you looks,... Birthday party earlier this fall are gon na be difficult was born in 1958 in New Orleans and Its... Globe and Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special ellen DeGeneres: ( 02:51 ) Nobody be... So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact im gay find yourself in love with, attracted toor just about! Against ellen DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom went... In case theres a bonfire on the beach APIs to start building your product quickly Loss of,.

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